Finding My Confidence in the Workplace (and in Life)

DENTSU AEGIS NETWORK BLOG POST FOR INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

“You look like a baby.” “Are you still in school?” “How old are you?” On the brink of 30, I get these questions a lot, and every time they’re met with an internal cringe and an outward awkward laugh. Without fail, every time I walk into a meeting — whether it be with clients, vendor partners, or literally anyone else that is considered a professional in any way, shape or form — I silently pray “Please take me seriously. I’m smart. I’m good at what I do. I have a lot to bring to the table.” I over analyze my outfits. I practice my handshake. I intentionally wear my glasses instead of contacts.

Having been raised by a fiercely independent and professionally successful single mother, I always assumed my baby face would be my biggest setback in the professional world and never (I mean, NEVER) considered that simply being a woman would bring its own set of headwinds. Growing up with a myriad of insecurities, I have actually found that I am the most fearless version of myself in my professional life — something that I attribute to my educational upbringing.

My formative years went a little something like this. Junior High: I figure out that I’m smart and that I like learning. I also figure out that apparently enjoying school isn’t cool (here I was thinking “but grown-ups always say that school is cool”). On top of that, I’m too tall, my hair is too frizzy, my feet are too big, my braces are too metal-y, and my clarinet skills are too dorky. The girls are manipulative. The boys are mean. Between my tragically cliché nerdy looks and my pension for spending my weekends reading books instead of going to the mall (I have honestly never understood the appeal of going to a mall) I become a prime target for the “popular” kids, serving as the subject for many of their laughs and cruel jokes.

Then comes high school. I make the decision to attend an all-girls Roman Catholic high school based on their acclaimed curriculum and block scheduling. While there is still plenty of reality television worthy drama, I quickly learn that eliminating boys from the classroom is the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m no longer afraid to raise my hand in class and I stop instinctively recoiling while waiting for the inevitable snickering that used to follow. Aside from throwing myself into my academics, working towards my International Baccalaureate diploma, I allow myself to engage fully into everything that high school has to offer. I join the Track & Field team. I become an editor and regular contributor of the school newspaper. I find myself joining the Drama department as a member of the Stage Crew. And I build meaningful friendships and mentorships with both men and women alike along the way. It’s during my high school years that I start to realize my confidence and the factors that contribute to it.

College rolls around in no time. I’m going to the University of Iowa, a school that boasts the first and highest ranked Creative Writing degree program in the United States, and I’m taking my newfound #girlpower with me! Having gotten most of the required Gen Ed classes out of the way in high school, I dive headfirst into classes towards my major before my bags are even unpacked. I sign up for classes such as Creative Writing, Media Industries & Organizations, Modes of Film & Video Production and Writing for TV & Radio. College helps me discover what I like, what I’m good at, and — here’s the real epiphany — that I can actually make a career out of it. I lean into my strengths and start to build a true sense of identity, something I had been lacking up until now.

I graduate with a double major in Communication Studies & English and march straight off the commencement stage into the real world. The homework assignments, exams, late nights at the library, frozen pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner is over and it’s time to start “adulting” as I guess we’re all saying now. I happen to stumble upon the wonderful world of event marketing by applying for (and getting) an internship at an agency in Chicago where I’m able to apply both my degree and my personal interests. That was eight years ago and I haven’t looked back since.

Although I may never feel confident about my baby faced appearance or other things outside of my control, I feed off of the control I do have over things such as my work ethic and my analytical tendencies — which bring me a sense of self-worth that some people spend their whole lives looking for. While everyone male and female, young and old grapples with occasional insecurities and self-doubt (I still struggle with confidence in my looks and caring too much about what others think of me) I’m forever grateful to have found this safe haven. In my profession, I feel comfortable being courageous and using my voice. I see my quirky disposition as an advantage, not a setback. I’m proud to be a confident woman in the workplace and a #strongfemalelead in the story of my life.